YOUR UNEXPECTED PATH TO CONFIDENCE
In this LifeLine I share why we’ve got it all backwards with confidence. I also condense down insights from the sum of various books and courses into three golden rules.
I’ve been trying out new things recently. The kind of stuff that makes me feel really uncomfortable like taking videos of myself. I have always been SO comfortable behind the lens of my camera, but put me in front and I always felt like a fish out of water. And if I have to speak as well as be in front of the camera a tomato-coloured flush would inevitably rise up and spread across my face. And then suddenly I found myself tongue-tied.
I would love to tell you that this has all changed and now I could fluidly read the headlines on BBC World News! Alas, that isn’t true. What I can tell you is something deep down has shifted inside me. I am starting to feel more confident on camera.
So I got curious about confidence. If you don’t already know this about me, even though I’ve been coaching for 12 years and have a solid grounding of knowledge in the field, I am always open to exploring new ways of looking at themes that come up.
There are so many different ways and tools that can tackle the same thing. Often it is a matter of figuring out the one that best fits you.
I have been reading a number of books (that I’ll list for you below) that touch on the subject of confidence from different angles. And I dived into a course by Mel Robbins that had popped up in my Inbox.
So here for you is my super-condensed overview that comes both from my personal experience, my knowledge in the field, and from the wisdom I extracted from the books and course:
Three Golden Rules When Developing Your Path to Confidence
- You can’t just think your way into feeling confidence. Yes, a positive mindset helps enormously. By all means do a visualisation where you see yourself as the confident person you are inside. I could even use a hypnotic method that will float you into the skillset of confidence in a given area. These things will definitely help. But it’s not enough to really ground you in confidence
- We’ve got it backwards. We have grown to believe confidence is a feeling. However, experience and research shows that confidence is the decision to try. We can’t wait to feel confident to try something. We have to try something to develop confidence. When we see ourselves doing it something deep down shifts. It becomes easier and we believe in our own competence
- And this is the piece from my personal experience. Find your reason why and remind yourself of it when things get uncomfortable. Why does it matter to you that you feel confident in this area? What will it change for you when you develop that skillset? How will your life be better? In my case I have something burning inside me that I want to share with others. I want to make every precious moment of my time on this planet rich and vibrant. For years I have been working on making happiness my default emotion; one that I can come back to from other emotional states. I want to feel the whole gamut of emotions in the knowledge I can always get back to happy. And I want to share that process with others in the form of an online course. Which means…I HAVE TO FEEL CONFIDENT ON VIDEO! And that passion, that drive, is powering me through the uncomfortable bit
So what is your motivation? Perhaps it’s a new relationship? Do you you want to master Zoom so you can connect with friends more naturally? Or create a blog about making the perfect espresso. Have you always wanted to become an entrepreneur and work for yourself but that all seems too scary. Whatever it is, start with baby steps and I promise you it will become easier and you will build confidence.
Here are the books I have been reading recently. They are not specifically on confidence, but they contain valuable insights and I highly recommend them:
‘ Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom’
‘The Happiness Equation’ Neil Pasricha
‘Daring Greatly’ Brené Brown